The only thing worse than a hangover is death. But some days, that isn’t even true. Hangovers have destroyed the fabulous potential of weekends for millions across the globe, and it’s time it stopped. Mother nature has some remedies that will give us our weekends back. Starting now!
Sure, we’ve all heard about using honey to soothe a raw throat — but sipping honey tea for a hangover? Really? Just hear me out…
As soon as alcohol hits our system, it’s absorbed into our bloodstream where it has to hang out until the liver converts the alcohol into the toxic acetaldehyde, which then has to be converted into nontoxic acetic acid. Acetaldehyde is a major toxin, so as soon as the body detects it, it’s “all hands on deck” until it’s all outta there. That means that other processes get put on the back burner — like say, balancing blood sugar levels. On top of that, we’re losing glucose with every post-cocktail bathroom visit.
Honey happens to be high in a natural sugar called fructose (the same sugar in fruit). One doctor swears by ending drinking sessions with a serving of fructose, but chances are we’ll be too busy twerking to run down some fruit juice. So, find your hungover self a little relief by slathering some honey on a piece of crunchy toast. The syrup will quickly make it’s way into the bloodstream to raise blood sugar levels for a quick, albeit short, increase in energy. The toast also works it’s own magic by helping to slop up our last traces of alcohol and settle our stomach, plus the carbs will make it possible to get up off the couch. Once the Netflix binge is over.
No one would think they could find hope to live in a carton of eggs, but there’s a reason people line up waiting to order a breakfast burrito after a hangover.
Remember that nasty little toxin acetaldehyde? Well, our liver uses something called glutathione to break it down into acetic acid. Our bodies are only able to produce enough glutathione to metabolize about a drink per hour, so kicking drinks back faster than they can be ordered, and that liver will have hours of work ahead of it.
As wonderfully helpful as glutathione is, it’s as slow as molasses. This is where eggs come in. The compound cysteine is a major component of glutathione, and eggs just happen to be loaded with it. Crack a few into a skillet with a little dash of electrolyte-erific salt, and beat up any extra acetaldehyde with minimal kitchen prep.
Really? You couldn’t throw in the old “hair of the dog?” The idea of drinking and potentially upchucking a morning drink probably sounds 100x more appealing than exercise, but taking this evil suggestion would be a really smart move.
The idea behind exercise is simple. Moving your body increases circulation. An increase in circulation gets things to move along faster. Exercise, and more blood will be able to pass through the liver at a quicker rate, thus you detoxify faster. Dying may sound more appealing than things like running or hiking, but even half-assed yoga with hungover hujiu breathing can help.
This one is so obvious it hurts as much as that gin-induced migraine, but the science behind it needs to be stressed to drinkers everywhere.
As it turns out, alcohol suppresses the body’s production of ADH (antidiuretic hormone). So, the more we drink, the more frantically we search for a toilet. Annoying as this may be, it’s also extraordinarily helpful. It’s because of the cleansing powers of pee that our bodies can flush out the nasty toxin alcohol produces — a very good thing! The diuretic effect of our drinking does come with a downside though.
In addition to making some of us more prone to pant-wetting, our drinking has our bodies taking water from every place possible. The brain — being nearly 75% water, gets used in the body’s fight against cocktails. Thus we wake up feeling like a 750 year old arthritic vampires that curse the sun’s very existence. The lesson here is to make room for water in your drinking plans. And don’t go to bed without swinging back another bottle (of water), and bringing another one to bed.
Yeah, who isn’t drinking coconut water these days? It’s an obvious answer given that virtually every celebrity is carrying it as they walk into their favorite overpriced gym, but the science behind alcohol and coconut water is guaranteed to have you throwing in a trip to the local gas station to your next downtown adventure.
Hit up a club on a weekend and it’s guaranteed that there will be a line for the bathroom. It makes sense because — as we know — everything that goes in must also go out, but it’s alcohol itself that has those bathroom lines running around corners and halls.
Well, as the urine flows, those famous electrolytes get flushed out along with it. The combo of celebrity elements sodium, potassium, magnesium, and calcium are responsible for everything from proper hydration to muscle function. Thus, we wake up parched with a killer headache, plagued with sore muscles and achey joints that feel like we did a pole-dancing marathon (note: check with the DD about last night’s events).
Coconut water happens to have a fabulous balance of electrolytes. If you can remember to include a coconut-inspired cocktail or a convenience store stop into your night out, you’re sure to wake up feeling better.
Now that you’re armed with multiple hangover defenses, make the most of your next Friday night. Just remember to steer clear of dark liquors as they’re have congeners which are linked to extra-awful hangovers. And keep in mind that 4 drinks or more is considered binge drinking for women, so try to keep it down or at least throw in water and some snacks in between. Come Saturday morning you’ll be so happy you did.