You’re in a great relationship. You’re feeling all the feels and you’re excited to build a future with another person. The only problem (and it feels like a big problem!) is that your partner won’t fully commit to you. Maybe they don’t want to commit to being exclusive, maybe they won’t say the L word, or maybe they just don’t want to put it all over social media.
So what do you do in this situation? I’ve been on both sides, and here are some ways to cope:
1) Give them time.
I KNOW. Patience is difficult, especially when you’re over the moon about someone and it doesn’t seem like they’re keeping pace with you. People fall in love differently, and if you feel strongly about your partner, give them the time they need. You want to know that they’re committed because they can’t think of anything better than being with you, not because you rushed them into it.
2) Communicate your feelings.
This used to be the hardest thing for me to do. I can barely pick a favorite kind of pizza, let alone articulate my deepest feelings for another human. One thing I’ve learned is that being able to tell someone how you feel about them is one of the most beautiful things you can do. For example, I told my boyfriend I loved him first. Threw out “gender norms” and went for it because I felt it. He was shocked that I said it, and he told me he felt the same. If I hadn’t gone out on that (very scary!) limb, I would have been wondering how he felt.
3) Communicate your wants and needs.
This is not the “give them an ultimatum!” tip. I’ll use another pizza example to illustrate this one:
Boyfriend: What do you want for dinner?
Me: Anything really! I don’t care.
Boyfriend: Places an order for thai
Me: Thai? I wanted pizza!
This can apply to commitment. If your partner thinks you’re happy with the way things are going, because you haven’t expressed clearly your wants and needs, you will be stressed out and they’ll be over there enjoying their thai takeout.
4) Let go of expectations.
It’s easy to want someone to engage with you in a certain way because of a lot of reasons (it’s what your friends do, it’s what you do, it’s what you saw in a movie, etc.). It’s important to look at your relationship as completely unique – because it is! If you’re getting fearful of your partner’s lack of commitment, take a look at how far you two have come as a couple. Look at the aspects of your relationship that you love, and appreciate what you’ve built together. All good things take time.
Hopefully that clears up some ways to deal with the big “c” word when it comes to relationships. What are some of your best tips or stories about commitment femmes? Tell us below in the comments!